My reverie came to an abrupt end when a reality check sounded like my alarm clock.
I opened my eyes but the heaviness of my head weighed me down like stoned strapped to my body.
After a while I found myself staring at somebody else in the mirror.
I broke away from that by opening the closet, and staring at numerous pills.
Blood pressure, diabetes, flu – all coloured pills, all big conditions, but none of them had my name written on it.
Perhaps I had no symptoms that deemed me unhealthy. I carefully ironed my clothes to silence playing up, as my thoughts screeched like tyres.
‘An apple a day keeps the doctor away.’
Well that hoarding definitely kept more patients away, I thought. Patients like me, who knew not about their condition.
As I reached office, my email was staring back at me. I had medical insurance asking me to sign up. The subject line said – all conditions covered! Secure your future.
What I’ve been going through was not on the list. Perhaps it didn’t require chemo. Perhaps it didn’t have visible symptoms. Perhaps it didn’t look like what a condition should look like.
How could I secure my future if my present was at risk?
If other diseases would give you a death date, this would eat you up and make sure you die everyday.
You die everyday because people are ignorant, You die everyday because your ‘disease’ doesn’t have you looking like a patient.
You die everyday because no medicine controls the mind from going haywire.
Patients like me put on a smile, walk out the door, behave normally, and are told – it’s all in your head.
Well it’s all in my head, until the day I silence it. Because, it’s a disease people refuse to recognize.
It isn’t something that can get you admitted in a hospital. No I don’t need saline.
But it’s just as bad. It’s time they realize.
~ In memory of those who struggle with depression, anxiety and worse mental health issues that people choose to ignore.