Blackhole – Damn you Hawking

I tend to use the word blackhole a little too much.
I guess that’s how I describe my feelings.
Emotional blackhole.
Mental blackhole.
Mind numbing blackhole.
Paralyzing blackhole.
Not-able-to-wake-up blackhole.
Ditched-work blackhole.
Deafening blackhole.
It’s just that, when I use it I understand the gravity of that word. The blackhole.
But when you hear it, do you? Do you get lost in the depth too? Do you feel like you’re getting sucked into the vacuum of feelings you can’t comprehend? Do you?
Do you keep falling and wait for the fall to just end because crashing is better than hanging in the air?
Because collapsing means you can get back up. Because breaking means you can fix something.
Because not knowing whether you’re floating or free falling or just fucking swimming in emotions makes you a mess.
Almost how messy this rant is, how messy the structure of this piece is, how incapable of routine you are.
Is what I write the glaring reality of who I am? Is this what I am? Unfinished sentences, a warped definition of a blackhole and a meaningless structure of emotions.
Well, I guess I’ll have to crash to find out.

Damn you, Hawking.